As we discussed in Part 1 of this series, spiritual balance and our relationships with God should take priority over every other relationship.
That doesn’t mean we can overlook the importance of balance in our relationship with others. In addition to our relationship with God, we should build balanced relationships with our families, friends, co-workers, and, yes, even mere acquaintances.
Relational Beings
We’re relational beings. God made us that way.
In Genesis, we are told the story of man and woman’s creation. Even if you’re familiar with these verses, dive in and read them with fresh eyes.
Genesis 2:4-25
7 Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones; and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
After God created man, He gave animals to Adam. But Adam still longed for companionship. When God introduced him to Eve, his heart was finely whole.
Our relationships are intended as blessings to enjoy, not merely to survive or tolerate. They should thrive.
Today, we’ll be exploring relationships with others and how we can create balance within them.
No One Is Alone
No one is alone in this world. We have parents, spouses, children, siblings, and friends. We also interact with co-workers, acquaintances, and total strangers regularly.
Sadly, these relationships aren’t always healthy and balanced.
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What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Relationships work when we focus on the other person’s needs instead of concentrating on our own.
Read that again and let it penetrate your heart and mind.
It’s true. We’re the ones responsible when there’s a disconnect in our relationships. We’re accountable for our own actions, so “buts” don’t count here.
Here’s a picture of what I mean.
Has there ever been a time when you didn’t feel close to God? Well, that’s never His doing. He never takes His focus off of us.
Our relationships with Him suffer when we take our eyes off Him and give our attention to other people or things—our kids, jobs, desires. The list is limitless.
This same rule applies to our marriages, raising our children, connecting with our parents, friendships, and all other relationships. If we don’t focus on the other person’s needs, it won’t take long before they feel unloved and unwanted. They’ll become distant because they’ll feel like they aren’t important to us.
Listen. If you have kids and your marriage is struggling, take time to evaluate how much attention and energy you’re giving to your spouse. It’s so easy to lose sight of the importance of nurturing your marriage when you’re in the throes of raising kids. I know this. But, your husband (or wife) should come only second to God, not your kids. You started your family together; please don’t lose sight of how much you need each other and how much your children need their parents to have a solid and lovely partnership.
Remember, relationships work when we focus on the other person’s needs instead of concentrating on our own.
Jesus gave us the perfect equation for balanced, healthy relationships two of the ten commandments:
Matthew 22:37-39
Jesus replied:” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “
But, good relationships don’t end there. Balanced relationships also require boundaries and expectations.
Boundaries and Expectations
Having boundaries and expectations is like drawing a circle around ourselves. Inside this circle, we place the things that we’re willing to accept. Outside are those things that we’re not comfortable with, don’t feel ready for, or that make us uneasy.
We create a circle for each person we’re in a relationship with. Typically, we draw them fairly tight around us to begin. As time goes by and our trust in the other person grows, we increase the circle’s size, allowing ourselves to be more vulnerable.
No one else can determine what we place inside each circle and what is not allowed within those boundaries. It’s entirely up to us, and every circle won’t be the same.
Our boundaries and expectations should be clear to the other person. That doesn’t mean we give them a list of dos and don’ts. But we should share with them the limits and desires that are most important to us.
Examining Jesus’ life again, it’s clear that He had boundaries and expectations. Even in His hometown.
Matthew 13:53-58
And when Jesus had finished these parables, he went away from there, and coming to his hometown he taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, “Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works? Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not his mother called Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household.” And he did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief.
Having a circle of clear boundaries and expectations isn’t enough. Consequences should be established, too.
Consequences
Every action has consequences. Some are good, some are bad.
Having clearly defined consequences helps us to determine our actions.
Taking a journey back to the Bible again, Jesus made it clear to the disciples and others around Him what He wanted from them and what he would do for them. He also shared the consequences, good and bad, of doing what He desired.
John 14:15-17
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.
Jesus told his followers what they could expect. And if Jesus set boundaries, expectations, and consequences, then shouldn’t we do the same?
However, if we don’t communicate our boundaries, expectations, and consequences, we can’t expect our relationships to flourish.
Communication
Our relationships should be no different than what Jesus modeled. We should be clear about what we expect and the consequences that come with those expectations. We also need to be aware of what the other person expects of us and understand the outcomes of respecting their boundaries.
Be open and honest throughout your relationships. Some things may not come up right away. But as they do, have conversations about them.
Without a doubt, there will be times when one or both of you step into the other person’s circle without permission. When that happens, discuss and listen to how each of you feels. Re-establish the boundaries, expectations, and consequences. Or create new ones. Most importantly, be quick to forgive if the other is genuinely sorry.
Forgiveness
In His three years of ministry, Jesus had become well known. There was no question that most people had heard He was claiming to be the Messiah. Some believed His claims, and some didn’t—the unbelief of those who didn’t ultimately lead to His death.
We’ve seen that Jesus makes His boundaries, expectations, and consequences clear. But He also freely offers unimaginable grace, and it’s never too late to ask Him for forgiveness. He always forgives those who are sincerely repentant.
I leave you with this, on the day of the crucifixion of Christ, after being brutally beaten and hung on a cross, just before He gave His life for the sins of humanity, He showed mercy in a quiet conversation to a man hanging by his side.
Luke 23:32, 39-43
32 Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed.
39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”
40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”
42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
Coming Up Next
Join us next week as we jump into Part 3 of this series and discuss work/life balance.
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