God asked, “Do you trust me?”

I quickly replied, “Yes, of course, I trust you.”

He asked again, “Do you trust me?”

Have you ever been in a season in your life when you’ve questioned your trust in the Lord? Did you wonder why your distrust was present?

When seasons like this arise, I’m convinced our lack of understanding brings our distrust. In our humanness, it’s impossible to see our circumstances as God does, so we doubt.

The dictionary defines trust like this:

trust /ˈtrʌst/ verb 
: to believe that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.: to have confidence in (someone or something)

Most of us believe God is reliable, good, and honest. We know we can have confidence in Him because He’s proven Himself to us repeatedly.

So then, why do we sometimes struggle to trust God when times get tough? I’d venture to say it’s because, occasionally, the circumstances we face are uncomfortable, maybe even painful.

After more contemplation about God’s question to me, I confessed what He already knew, “I trust you, but I hesitate to trust you completely.”

I was surprised as those words flowed over my lips. How is hesitating to trust God even possible? I realize how ridiculous my lack of trust is, especially after what I experienced in 2020. God spared my life through the miracle of a double-lung transplant. Yet, my answer to His simple question was, in a word, “no.”

I’ve reflected on why God would ask this question. He already knew I didn’t completely trust Him. Then it struck me. He asked this question first to show me my lack of trust and second, to help me face my fear. The fear that my traumatic health crisis isn’t over yet.

Every indication from my test results and lab work points to better days, yet I hesitate to accept that I may make it through chronic rejection without a second transplant. I’m unable to allow myself to believe it.

So I prayed.

“God, I want to trust you completely, but it’s hard. I’m so grateful that You spared my life through the miracle of my lung transplant, but I wrestle with the truth that you allowed my illness in the first place. I was healthy, and this crisis came out of nowhere! Why?

After surgery, everything was headed in the right direction. My recovery exceeded the doctors’ expectations, and my lung function was excellent. I was working out again and taking hiking trips with my friends. I could have trusted you, but then chronic rejection set in. Why?

I trust that You love me and you’ll take care of me. I know all of this has happened for a reason, and I believe You will be glorified through this story. And still, I can’t bring myself to trust You with what’s to come fully. Why?”

God’s question then turned to a statement, “You can trust me.”

“I want to. I’m trying.”

He repeated, “You can trust me.”

So now, when I hesitate with my trust, I remind myself of all the good in my life. I’m alive today because He intervened. He knew the plan then, and He knows the plans to come.

Because He is faithful, I recall His reassurance with every photopheresis treatment, every time I wait for lab reports to return, and each time I do a breathing test.

“You can trust me.”

With every flight of stairs I struggle to climb, and each time I stop to catch my breath during a workout, I listen for His voice.

“You can trust me.”

When doubt about living a long life slips in, I soak in His promise.

“You can trust me.”

I’m still a work in progress, but I believe one day I will get past my fears and bravely say without hesitation, “Yes, God. I completely trust you.”

When you experience a season of distrust in God, remember you’re human, and the Lord understands why you are struggling. God knows the plans for your life. So even when you’re in a stormy season and don’t necessarily like what is happening because it’s painful, you can trust that He will be by your side through all of it. Reflect on the times when He’s proven Himself trustworthy, and ask Him to help you build your trust in Him again.

May our God, who is worthy of our trust, remind you of His faithfulness. May He guide you through your seasons of distrust. May you see He is reliable, good, and honest, and know you can have confidence in Him because He’s proven Himself to you repeatedly. Amen.

Verse of the day via the YouVersion app:
"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds." ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭77:11-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬‬‬