We all know life is full of ups and downs. There are those breathtaking moments like the birth of children, the first time seeing the Grand Canyon, or an exciting new job offer. Other moments take our breath away. The ones that lead us to our wits’ end where we don’t know how we can take anymore—the loss of a parent, a loved one with an addiction, or a life-threatening health crisis. Are we choosing faith over fear in all our circumstances?

On the mountain top, it’s easy to live life to its fullest. The world is beautiful from up there. The sun seems to shine brighter; the air is crisper. But the valley is a different place altogether. It’s where the shadows reside. Where the fertile soil is plowed, and crops grow. But when the environment isn’t just right, we begin to worry the harvest won’t meet our needs. Confusion and uncertainty can be ever-present. 

I can say I’ve faced each of the situations I mentioned above and have successfully made it through. How? With an abundance of prayer and loads of faith, mine and that of others. 

Facing Fear

My biggest challenge to date has been staring death straight in the face. I laid in the hospital bed, questioning what was happening. Except for childbirth, I had never been in the hospital. I’d never had more than a chipped bone in my finger, for that matter. And there I was, hooked to oxygen, continuing to struggle to breathe. How could this be? Just one month earlier, I was doing high-intensity workouts. I was confused and scared, wondering, “Why me?”  

Nine days passed with thoughts bouncing around like ping-pong balls. One moment I was planning to go home because I convinced myself my breathing was improving. The next, I knew this was more serious than I would allow myself to believe. But, as I prayed, the words given to me were consistent, “We are with you. It’s going to be okay.” 

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

My journal entry from April 29 reads:  

“I had a better morning and felt very good today. My oxygen flow was dropped to 30 liters per minute. The(medical) team would like to continue dropping it each day. There is still a leak in my right lung; time should heal that. I stood for three minutes and walked to the bathroom door. Could have gone farther, but all the hoses I’m hooked up to held me back. I will try to be more mobile tomorrow. Keep pushing!”

I was encouraged. Until the next evening, when I arrived in ICU. Within 24 hours, I was intubated, put on life support, and in a coma. My lungs were no longer functioning on their own. 

My memories of the next few weeks are in the form of dreams looking for “the Light.” As a side note, don’t ever think God doesn’t have a sense of humor. The visions I experienced were rather comical. I would look to the left where Jesus was standing with a man, who I believe was my dad. A gentle hand would push my head in the opposite direction only to see an illuminated Snap Fitness 24-7 sign (which in the gym my husband and I owned). My reply each time was, “Well, that’s not the light.” I can hear my dad giggling with the angels at my situation. Anyone who knew my dad can appreciate the joy of that sweet sound. 

On May 12, Duke Life Flight took me to Duke Medical Center, and I immediately went into surgery to change medical strategies. The surgical team inserted a tracheostomy and moved my cannulation from my groan to my chest. I remained under fairly heavy sedation for the days leading up to my lung transplant on May 25. Even then, I would not allow my faith to escape. 

Psalms 41:3 The LORD sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.

Where do we turn when times get tough?

It’s during tough times like the one I just shared when we must seek faith over fear. Faith has life-changing power. However, we need to understand a few things about faith before we can fully utilize its power. 

First, faith can play a mean game of hide and seek, so we need to look for it intentionally. It presents itself at its strongest in darkness, yet it can still hide if we don’t search hard enough. Then how do we find it? We pray, meditate, and reflect on God’s Word over and over and over. In His presence, we find confidence and reassurance. He shares truth, and He loves us unconditionally. Remember, He is never surprised by our circumstances, and because of this, we can trust Him to watch over us. 

2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Romans 10:17 “So, faith comes from hearing and hearing through the word of Christ.”

Secondly, when we finally have it in our grasps, we have to hold tight because faith is slippery. We think we have a tight grip, then suddenly it’s gone. Then once again, our focus turns to fear. We can keep our grip on faith by telling the Lord we believe He has control of our situation, and we trust Him with whatever the outcome may be. All too often, we think we are in control. Let’s clear that up now. We aren’t! We shouldn’t allow ourselves to try to manipulate the results. That’s a long, winding road leading to nowhere. We have to let go of our worry, earnestly pray, and cling tightly to our faith. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

The third fact about faith is that it’s stronger than fear. When faith is present, fear must leave. Trusting God knows what is best for us and those around us and having faith in His ultimate plan is our best option. Fear cannot stay when we genuinely believe God hasn’t released control. 

Psalms 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Luke 1:37 “For nothing will be impossible with God.”

And finally, faith is a choice. We have to choose to employ it many times over. Daily, hourly, minute by minute. We have to decide to let it lift us to the one who protects us. We must trust, for complete trust is the definition of faith. 

Mark 9:23 “Jesus said to him, ‘If you can believe’? All things are possible for one who believes.”

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all this through him who strengthens me.”

Moving Forward 

I know my visions while in a coma were more than dreams. I was in the presence of Jesus. As His holy glow softly filled the room around me, I was uncertain if I would be meeting him face-to-face or be allowed to return to my family for more time. Yet one thing I knew for sure, whatever the outcome, I was going to be okay. No doubt, being allowed to continue my life on earth is what I wanted. I have so much more life to live. More love to share, more family time to spend. Nevertheless, I knew, if my day had come, I was going to spend eternity in heaven, worshiping my Savior—what a beautiful ending to a precious 50 years that would’ve been. 

John 11:25-26 “Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

Thankfully, I’ve been given another shot at making the most of my life on earth. I plan to make it purposeful until the very end when I can then repeat the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 4:7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”